Why didn’t you just leave?

Over the last thirteen years I have been asked the same question about my first marriage over and over. “Why didn’t you just leave?” A decision that should have been the easiest in the world to make was the most difficult and painful choice I have had to make in my lifetime so far.

This book was recommended to me by the first therapist I saw when I left my first husband and it was incredibly helpful.

Domestic violence is complicated and I was tangled up in a big mess. The things that he would say to me when I would try to leave would get to me. When begging me to stay looked like it wasn’t going to work he would say things like, “You’ll be nothing but a white trash single mom.”

I had kids. I had no money. I was ashamed of the secrets I kept about my life. I was terrified of leaving and I was terrified of staying. I was confused and exhausted.

I started believing these awful things about myself and questioned my ability to leave. He had gotten in my head and it took years and so.much.THERAPY to get him out.

This August I celebrated 13 years of leaving. It feels right to me that I start writing about it. Recently someone shared their struggles trying to leave an abusive relationship and I remembered so clearly how hard it was to get out. I want people to know it is possible to leave and rebuild their life.

*the book linked is an affiliate link. If you buy it through my link I make some money! 🥰

Katherine Hathaway